you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
