I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize