it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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