Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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