Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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