I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
