i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
