I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
