cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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