There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
