GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
