all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
