i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
