And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
