Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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