he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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