Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
