I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
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Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize