dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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