oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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