2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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