Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
