Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
