Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
