he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
