so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
