My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
