You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
