You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
