Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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