i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
