RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
pray to the hookup gods
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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