I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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