how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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