I accidentally burped into my bong.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
