God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
