Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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