I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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