I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
false alarm, still single
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
