The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
