How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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