its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
