Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
