this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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