on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry my hands just texted you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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