She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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