we made out on top of his cat.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
