Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize