NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
