My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
