You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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