lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
