Can i not drive my cunt home
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
