My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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