yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
