You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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