Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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