I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
