All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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