My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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