i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
