I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no you cant smoke seaweed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
