All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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