My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
