After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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