my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
