I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
