im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
