I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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