i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
