She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize