I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
