Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So apparently I’m into choking now
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