Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
