Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with

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  (240): A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with http://tfl.nu/1e7c
  Replies (2) Good night (1763) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom

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  (917): shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom http://tfl.nu/fv07
  Replies (13) Good night (5962) Bad night (1247)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7761) Bad night (1168)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

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  (306): No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke. http://tfl.nu/zs7w
  Replies (5) Good night (698) Bad night (1200)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?

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  (919): Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas? http://tfl.nu/7kpc
  Replies (6) Good night (2092) Bad night (1273)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.

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  (616): Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry. http://tfl.nu/rf2y
  Replies (7) Good night (1599) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.

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  (+27): I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/8fby
  Replies (7) Good night (891) Bad night (1318)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.

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  (845): I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent. http://tfl.nu/v6g7
  Replies (9) Good night (497) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?

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  (815): My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday? http://tfl.nu/m0r9
  Replies (3) Good night (505) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.

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  (601): Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams. http://tfl.nu/r18a
  Replies (8) Good night (393) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.

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  (859): I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl. http://tfl.nu/2tvq
  Replies (10) Good night (882) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses

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  (602): It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses http://tfl.nu/ivd3
  Replies (1) Good night (891) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.

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  (914): my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her. http://tfl.nu/thk6
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off

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  (978): Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off http://tfl.nu/6y1x
  Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.

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  (409): No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups. http://tfl.nu/fjk8
  Replies (2) Good night (234) Bad night (614)

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