good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's get the cat blown out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
