I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
