I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!