if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place