Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o