Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up

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  (301): i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up http://tfl.nu/1cet
  Replies (29) Good night (4006) Bad night (1104)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...

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  (317): You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang... http://tfl.nu/ct1j
  Replies (35) Good night (5002) Bad night (2129)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.

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  (404): Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/rur7
  Replies (17) Good night (4646) Bad night (959)
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  (949): View more from California

  Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?

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  (949): Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk? http://tfl.nu/zd5j
  Replies (5) Good night (3465) Bad night (1026)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.

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  (773): I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger. http://tfl.nu/s2b5
  Replies (5) Good night (2830) Bad night (1122)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong

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  (409): I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong http://tfl.nu/rbr5
  Replies (5) Good night (3124) Bad night (971)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.

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  (432): This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire. http://tfl.nu/8ui6
  Replies (10) Good night (2330) Bad night (1263)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero

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  (847): i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero http://tfl.nu/upbm
  Replies (16) Good night (2599) Bad night (709)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen

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  (907): Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen http://tfl.nu/aug1
  Replies (14) Good night (1018) Bad night (2694)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...

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  (410): Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend... http://tfl.nu/j7kv
  Replies (4) Good night (1122) Bad night (599)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.

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  (647): I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing. http://tfl.nu/o75l
  Replies (2) Good night (564) Bad night (911)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.

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  (412): So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T. http://tfl.nu/y888
  Replies (4) Good night (1584) Bad night (602)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.

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  (480): Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god. http://tfl.nu/3e8t
  Replies (2) Good night (962) Bad night (381)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.

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  (609): I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs. http://tfl.nu/0efw
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (384)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."

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  (918): You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway." http://tfl.nu/rsc8
  Replies (0) Good night (1173) Bad night (195)

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