Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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