Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.