remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno