evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction