That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
