My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize