Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just had sex bonerless
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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